There is always this sense of doom coupled with a hope of better things to come whenever it's your birthday. Resolutions are made,new dreams written down on paper and the mood is generally upbeat. On the other hand,when we realise that not much has actually changed compared to our birthday last year,we go into a self pity trip that destroys much much more than it comforts.

So,when i celebrated my birthday recently,I was cautious not to fall into either of the two extremes listed above. Instead I hope ,and I truly hope,to be more aware of the fact that I am living a life that is my own,with its own unique issues and triumphs,and that comparison with others is folly. The reason most of us are unhappy is that we compare our current positions to others,or we wish that we were in a happier,more financially secure place than where we are now.

Because the truth is that we are damn lucky to be able to have a roof over our heads,with food to eat and water to drink,and people who love us-family,friends,whoever. And we have the luxury of wasting food that is enough to feed a starving African family. The bigger picture is what i'm thinking about,and urging readers to do the same.

I figure that the more we have,the more we want,and once we can't get it,we curse and abuse our fate and go into that self pity trip I was talking about earlier. I know this sounds very pop psychology,but let's just stop for a moment and think about what we have with us now,and picture ourselves without it. Then let's see what we value,and hopefully then we can differentiate between what we really need and what we want.

Apart from that,I'm confused about what subject to pursue for my residency-Internal Medicine or Psychiatry.Hopefully I'll come to a decision soon.

Good Night and Good Luck.

Updates

I am unable to write as often as i'd like to,what with starting work and all,but I hope this entry will suffice in providing updates(or lack thereof)

There is this one movie called "Cinderella Man" starring Russell Crowe which I would advise anybody to see. Because in the tradition of the "Rocky" franchise,it speaks about the triumph of the human spirit,but it also says that we do need a break once in a while,when the chips are down.

I have always found Crowe to be a tad overrated. I was not particularly impressed by his performances in "Gladiator" or "The Beautiful Mind", but on this occasion he has delivered a truly remarkable performance as a professional boxer who goes from riches to rags during The Great Depression.Only to fight back and finally come out triumphant. Mostly understated,he lets the strength of his characters spirit do tha talking. Ditto Renee Zellweger,who is one of the most underrated actors of our generation,as the loyal wife who is paranoid about the safety of her boxer husband.

In current news,you would have all heard of the rift between the Congress and the Left front,over the nuclear deal with the United States. There are,as always,two sides to this story. The deal will bring with it much needed electricity and other essential requirements.On the condition that we do not conduct any more nuclear tests. Which I think is silly. It's not that we are so bellicose as a nation to expand our arsenal at any given opportunity to counteract the slightest possible threat,real or imaginary. The world would be a much more peaceful place if everybody were libertarian,which translates into..Leave others alone and vice versa. But it will never work out.Because sometimes what others want will impinge on your way of living,and if you are to stick to your word,then it would mean that you get screwed in the name of being a Libertarian. There is a thin fine line to walk,which we will never find,not in all our lifetimes,between letting people be and an intervention that is needed to protect ourselves. Like i said,we'll never find it,let alone walk it.

Apart from that,Sanjay Dutt is in jail. Which is the supreme irony,like many things in life. Christopher Reeve plays Superman on screen only to be paralysed from the neck down in real life. You take the bus instead of your bike on a rainy day because you fear the bike may slip and you might injure yourself,only to have a humongous crash involving the very bus you took. Munna Bhai is convicted and sent to jail. Will this ever end? Its cruel,very cruel,and the exact reasons for such events happening in such a sequence are poorly understood.

The song "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles is one of my favorites,but the number of times it has been covered and remixed is a stark reminder of the fact that creativity is wearing out in the entertainment world. Not to mention the countless mediocre sequels to movies that were a box office hit. It's basically sticking to a formula. And the results are there for everyone to see. Whatever happened to spontaneity? To original thinking? To being open to the idea that one might actually fail,but at least one has failed at trying to do something original.

More later. 'Night.

23 and what it meant,plus The Dark Knight

I was seeing the movie "23" a few days back,starring Jim Carrey.And it was a good movie,no doubt,although a bit cliched,as all suspense films these days tend to be. Although I had a vested interest in watching the movie(to see the beautiful Virginia Madsen as well), there was a line in the movie that really hit home:

"There's no such thing as destiny,there are only different choices..Some are easy,the others aren't. Those are the ones that define who we are as people"

I suppose the screenwriter,whoever he is,has summed up the whole search for the meaning of existence in those 2 sentences.

Because,in the end,it's all about the choices we make. And the choices you make define who you are. Even if we don't do anything and sit around on our arses all day long,we are making a choice in deciding to do nothing. Although I am one of those people who are more happy to sit back and let things happen to them instead of taking a more proactive stance in life,it is only recently that I have realised that you need to do things for yourself in this world and make things happen,instead of letting things happen to you. Should you fail in your attempt,at least you know that you have tried the best you could,and that is what we should all strive for in our lives,be it in the work place or in the sphere of human relationships and interactions. Because the pain of not trying for anything just because we were scared of the result,or worse,because we were lazy, is the most excruciating experience we will ever feel,and it is certain to leave a bad taste in our mouth for a long time to come.

(Borrowed heavily from Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch,a must read)

Now,on to more exciting stuff...the teaser trailer of The Dark Knight, the new Batman film directed by Christopher Nolan,That Genius amongst film directors,has been released,and although it did not have any visuals,I had an idea as to the central theme of the movie.

Nolan and co-story writer David Goyer have said that this movie is a continuation of where the last movie ends.If you remember,Gordon and Batman are standing on the rooftop of a building and Gordon says that there is a possibility of escalation :"We start carrying semi-automatics,they buy automatics" just about sums it up. So this one looks as if there is going to be a murderous backlash from the criminal community,and of course,The Clown Prince of Crime himself,The Joker.

Heath Ledger's casting as The Joker took me by surprise. I was not disappointed,because Ledger has shown his ability to deliver the goods in "Brokeback Mountain". But my obvious thought was that "He just isn't physically right for the part". Lachy Hulme would be more physically in line with what The Joker looks like. And my personal favourite for the role was Alan Cumming. Or Sean Penn,whom Warner Bros first approached for the role.Penn would have been amazing!!Cumming too has the maniacal glint in his eyes which is so The Joker.

However,after hearing Ledger deliver his first threat as the homicidal maniac "Starting tonight,people will die. I'm a man of my word.HAHAHAHAH!!!",I feel a bit reassured.Chris Nolan is not one to follow stereotypes,for starters. And his choice of actors are such that they are exactly right for the role they play,or in other words,you can't imagine anyone else playing that part,instead of wondering whether they had been miscast or not. And Nolan does deliver.

Ok,ok,I'm a bigtime Batman geek alright!!!

Been a while since my last post(not that any of you would have been reading it regularly anyway!!). Like I said i'm studying to get into a residency and it's high time to get back into the groove,because the noose is tightening day by day as I type these words.

The profession of medicine is historically a very noble one,and one that is respected,and one of the toughest to get into and to maintain as one's career.

I would disagree with the notion that it remains a noble profession. The reasons are that most practitioners get into it to get rich fast,and to earn so much of money that they don't know how to dispose of it and,eventually,to be the target of an IT department raid!!

The old idea if getting in to serve,to heal,to help,is very very outdated. Like an old computer programme,it's time is over.

It is still respected,but as people become more and more educated as with the spread of the internet,doctors are now seen as a product. And ever since the COPRA Act came into effect,the service of doctors to the public is considered a product,and,as with all products,if the customer is dissatisfied,they can claim compensation.

This is most unwelcome. After throwing away what is arguably the best decade of anyone's life i.e the time between when they're 20-30 years old,in studying and working in hospitals,with a limited social circle,since all their other friends have moved on from the student phase(which is prolonged for us),all they can feel is "Aaah,now I can start living my life."

Now,the Government wants compulsory rural service for another year from students doing their MBBS,which is asinine. Sheer idiocy. Granted,rural areas are underserved,and there is a 3 month block posting in Community and Rural Health(incidentally the longest posting during internship). If more time is to be served in the rural areas,it is to be done durin internship only. Another year is just nor required.Period.

What my friends and I have observed and felt all this time is that the Government consider Medicos to be sheer robots who will gladly and automatically do as the master says, with an "Ours not to reason why,ours but to do and die" kind of attitude about us. We are also human,we have lives,we would like to earn when we're 24 like the rest of the world,instead of 28 or 30 or whenever else we start. And to order us to stall our lives for another year does not help our situation at all.

And don't get me started on the Quota debate!! They say that they are implementing it in order to "Not divide the country further", whereas in reality it is doing just that.This will only segregate our country further,into warrinf factions like the days of old. Haven't we progressed beyond that?

If there are to be reservations, it should be for meritorious students who are economically poor,not for a class of society who have 2 cars in their garage and who have homes and tv's and air-conditioners.It should include those who are historically of the "Upper Castes" as well as the lower ones. It should be for the boy or girl who wakes up at 4 in the morning since his house has no electricity to study,and who walks 4 km to school daily,and who gets a good score,given his/her circumstances. They are the truly deserving. Not people who post blogs in their spare time,and DEFINATELY not people who have reaped the benefits of being a previliged community and who are greedy for more and more. Not to speak of the Government that wants to increase the number of people who vote for it regardless of the consequences it will hold for future generations to come. They might win the votes of their targeted group,but they've lost the confidence of the rest of the country in doing so.

Now,for some book reviews.(I declare myself to know squat about writing at the outset)

"About a Boy" by Nick Hornby is one of the finest novels I have read in a while. Like "High Fidelity" before it, he very successfully shows adults as how they truly are,with a lot of issues still remaining from childhood,and who haven't quite grown up yet,and who are getting there by their own unique journey. Also the mind of a 12 year old boy is very accurately portrayed,as is the realization that some kids have to grow up sooner than others,due to some unforseen circumstance that proves to be the catalyst. It also shows how depression can be such a lonely experience,where getting up each day is a struggle in itself,and how being depressed can cause one to act in manner that they wouldn't normally do. A fine read.

Turning the other cheek

The President of Afghanistan,Mr.Hamid Karzai,had made a magnanimous gesture yesterday in setting free a 14 year old suicide bomber who's destination was to be the aforementioned country.

Now,the motive of that i.e to maintain friendly relationships with Pakistan and The United States- the so called "partners in the war against terror" might be a bit self serving,as it should be since that is one country that really needs all the help it can get in terms of social and economic assistance.

In contrast to this the charging of Mohammad Haneef for "recklessly providing etc etc" is a bit severe,and totally unjustified. He honestly looks as if he didn't have anything to do with the Glasgow incident. And he only provided the main players a SIM card as he was leaving the country to head to Australia. What is suspicious is that he had booked a one-way ticket from Australia to Bangalore. But nonetheless,such an extreme act of self-protection by the Australian government is one that is borne out of fear and paranoia. Fear that such a thing had happened in their land,and paranoia that it may happen again. However,it is these G.I.Joe-cum-Rambo type tactics by the Western Countries that are causing the greatest amount of distress. Like begets like. And that immortal quote of Gandhi "An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind".

If you have been the victim of a violent attack,and you choose violence yourself to retalitate,then you are caught in a very viscious and deadly cycle.And it stops only when everyone is dead. A bit simplistic and naive,but i believe it to be true.

Maybe we can all learn from Mr.Karzai's gesture and try to act in a similar fashion.The politicalleader who will take such a stance will create history. But he will be killed in the process,gunned down by someone who believes in the phrase "GO JOE!!" than in the concept of compassion and turning the other cheek.

Happy Birthday!!

Many of the people whom i know appear to be Cancerian,for some reason. I don't know if it is sheer coincidence or a cosmic conspiracy. Ergo,I know quite a lot about Cancerians.Firstly they're highly persistent in what they set out to do.Secondly,they're very attached to family.And then,of course,comes their famous moodiness,which i think is a tad over-quoted but in those in whom it is present,these swings can be quite scary,I kid you not!!

Today happens to be the birthday of my wonderful father.Happy Birthday Bapa!!

Also to Varshneya Shridharan,fellow back bencher in SBOA,Chennai and good friend,who has been in Singapore for the past 7 years. And i haven't seen him in those many years!! Hopefully we will meet soon.

Retro

While I was channel surfing yesterday,I noticed that Broken Arrow,the John Travolta starrer, was playing. And my mind went back to 1995,when the movie was first released.At the time it was the talk of town.Everybody wanted to see it,everybody loved it,and many began to practice smoking a cigarette the way Travolta did.

Now,twelve years hence,the colour of the movie seems to be a tad faded,the make up second rate,all the principals were much skinnier,and smoking is on the verge of becoming taboo.

What i am trying to say is that what we adored and swore by 10 years ago,well,it need not be ten,it could be as recent as 6 months to a year also. Our opinions of things and what they mean to us always changes,with many of us dismissing what we thought of as good and adopting a more attractive and modern stance to things as we grow older. With the exception of music,maybe,although hip hop is THE music everybody listens to nowadays.Guitar based rock and blues and jazz have a much smaller,albeit more loyal following.

And the very colour of the movies of old,when seen now take us back to a time when perhaps life was simpler,when people were nicer,when fuel didn't cost as much, and we always look back to that time fondly.When falling in love was a lot easier and less complicated than what it is now. Conversely it could be a flagpost of a very difficult time in the past for a few people,one that they disliked intensely and would never dare think of for a long time to come.It varies. But what i am trying to emphasize is that cinema and songs and old classmates and friends are the most potent stimulus to remember the past,with its good and bad,and i feel that we are now at a time where we need to remember the past more than anything else.Not because of the good memories,but because there might be lessons learnt then that we need to apply now.And most people tend to keep the past in a water tight compartment that you cannot have access to,because should there be a leak,then all the contents of the compartment come crashing down. We must learn from the past,consciously,and with dilligence.For only once we embraced what has happened for what it truly is can we forever send it away,with valuable lessons learnt from same.