I'm BACK!!

In the 10 months that I have not made an entry into my cyber diary, I have been a silent spectator to many ominous goings on, the most important of which is that Bangalore is now only a quarter as cold as what it was even 2 years ago. In the background of the Copenhagen Summit,this raises a crucial issue of our individual responsibility in averting an impending disaster. But the time frame between application of effort and its bearing fruit is all-important. I only hope it does not become a "too little too late" sort of scenario. And did anybody notice how the onset of the Copenhagen talks was after a similar scenario was enacted in the movie 2012?!!

Apart from which India will probably have as many states as the USA in about 10 years time, given the histrionic demands of certain people in high places, and the ease with which the powers that be appease childish, juvenile requests that are self serving and have nothing to do with the welfare of the people. Who's placing a bet for 52 states by 2019??!!

And hey, I want World Peace too. Gimme that Goddamn Nobel Peace Prize!!

As my experience in the study of human behavior increases, I have realized that, and I may be going a bit tangential here, that as far as the mind is concerned, the concept of religion becomes null and void. It is only the sense of comfort that it gives you. The same can be applied if, say you're in trouble, such as a financial debt, and you turn to another person for help, then in that moment, the person who helps ease your stress becomes possibly the most important person in your life. The same applies to the concept of a religion, and as an extension, God, giving you the sense of comfort. What if the same God exists without any prejudice? The concept of one God who embraces all, and who does not punish you for being bad, and one who is just there for you?

Most of the religious texts in the world (although I am in no way an authority on this), I guess, basically preach the same concepts- of truth, integrity, levelheadedness, courage to face obstacles, and a life of moderation and charity. What difference does it make if it is preached by different people?

I have also noted that television shows, no matter how brilliantly conceptualized and executed, tend to wind up being slightly more realistic soap operas in the end, which is a shame because such effort need not end up as a fiasco every single time. There are, however, some shows that have stood the test of time. The Simpsons, for one. But after that, options are hard to find.

There are also some characteristic lines that are uttered in most shows. Some of which include:
"I will do anything to protect my family"

"I didn't want you to get hurt"

"It's complicated"

"Maybe she's scared 'cos she's so vulnerable"

"I thought we had a deal"

"I did it to protect my family"

"I never imagined waking up in bed next to you"

"Can't we pretend that last night never happened?"

"It was a mistake. I was lonely and vulnerable and..."

And so on and so forth.

I am going to see Avatar today and I absolutely can not wait. I am, as you well know, fascinated by the concept of life on other planets, time travel, in addition to relationships, alternative realities, comic books and the working of the human mind. Avatar seems to be a good mix of most of the above components. Sam Worthington had greatly impressed me with his amazing performance in Terminator: Salvation and it's interesting to see how he will fare in this film.

Apart from T4,other movies of note this year were Inglorious Basterds, Wake up Sid, Star Trek(amazing!!), Watchmen, and Up, to name a few.

That's it for now I guess. Take Care and be Responsible.

It would appear that we, as human beings, choose to define our existence based on how miserable we are, instead of trying to measure it in terms of the many moments of joy it has given us.

A classic example of this would be Gregory House, of House MD, played by Hugh Laurie. The protagonist is a genius doctor who is addicted to opioids and can't seem to function outside the hospital as a human being. In many episodes we see him playing his piano and having his daily helping of scotch but he is seldom seen to smile, and even if he does, it is because he has outwitted his boss or something like that. Genuine happiness apparently is something that has never embraced him completely, or vice versa. Instead he chooses to define his existence on how he keeps on limping, and on the fact that he is a tough hard ass because of his limp and chronic pain problem and hence everybody else are sissies because he is able to carry on with his problem and other people seem to be totally stranded in theirs.

How many of us are like him, I do not know. Maybe it might be due to the fact that I am an eternal pessimist who is unable to look at the brighter side of things , although I do try to. But then again, how much I have tried to seriously be a more optimistic person is up for debate.

As with all things in life, we do live it, but how much of it we do seriously ,with enthusiasm, and awareness, is something I don't want to answer for now.

I have been exploring the works of the Rolling Stones, and I like what I find. For all their hedonism, these guys knew what they were doing and that's enough to give them the satisfaction they keep singing they can't get.

I saw "Rock on" which was quite a satisfying and entertaining film. Quite contrary to what I had expected really .If Farhan Akhtar can star in or direct more movies like this.....quite an exciting prospect on the whole. Akhtar is amazingly at ease as the band leader who reluctantly embraces a past he had long ago bid farewell to in order to find out the reason for his current state of misery. The other cast put in solid performances and the songs are pretty good as well.

More later. Bye.

The death of Australian actor Heath Ledger last January 22 at age 28 was judged the top entertainment story of 2008 by U.S. newspaper and broadcast editors polled by the Associated Press

This scares me. Since when was a person's death a source of entertainment? I expected more from the The IMDB than to publish this.

“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it”-M.K.Gandhi.

When I tell people that I am studying to be a psychiatrist, they always say "Oh!" with a raised eyebrow and a sort of high tone towards the end of that exclamation, whereas if I were to say that I am a surgical resident,their response would be more "Oh!" with a punch and enthusiasm at the end of that remark.

Another thing I tend to notice in the response of my esteemed colleagues in a general hospital set up is that "Could you counsel this patient? He's just been admitted for consumption of Organophosphorous Compound poisoning." While I realize and appreciate the role I will play in helping counsel people, I must emphatically point out that Psychiatry is not about only counseling, or listening to people's problems. It's about sifting and sorting out details that others would readily write off as too trivial, and using those details to come to a conclusion about the person's diagnosis, and hence come up with a rational treatment option for them.

Many people tend to scoff at such a task, and I myself have found it a tad tedious and "What's the use of finding all this out?", but it is only after seeing the way the faculty here at NIMHANS use those very same details to reach a tentative diagnosis that I find out the value of it.

Psychiatry has been given a fairly bad press by everybody. People tend to think of it as too trivial a specialty for it to be taken seriously. But I believe that this specialty helps me improve the quality of people's lives more than any other medical branch.

I am saying this not to boast my choice or sound holier-than-thou, but I would like this to be a way of telling people that there is nothing wrong in psychiatry or in seeing a psychiatrist, because there is nothing wrong with mental illness. It's not about going "mental" and being admitted in a "mental hospital". It's about an illness, just like Diabetes or Asthma, that has only recently gained recognition in Medicine.

Most of the problem arose from the lack of a proper pharmacological arsenal to counter Schizophrenia and Psychosis. Traditionally, people with psychosis were treated with cold water baths,or were put in an insulin induced coma!

Compare that with anti psychotics that are now available, and for the most part, efficient. They are, however, not fool proof ,and there have been times when they have failed. Now, instead of saying that "That's mental illness for you!" I would like to put it like this : That there is much about the biological basis of mental illness that is yet to be discovered, and this only opens more avenues for research and growth.

It should be worth pointing out that many times treatment is life-long, for the psychoses and the Schizophrenics. But which medical disease, save from infectious disease(excluding AIDS and Hepatitis B and C) promises a brief treatment followed by absolute cure? Nil.

By administering psychiatric treatment, we can give families a chance to be normal again ,we can give a man or woman the chance to go back to work and make a living for him or herself. What's wrong about that?

Depression is a chronic disorder that does not, as is commonly thought, always arise from traumatic life events or a troubled childhood. It is caused due to a deficiency of Serotonin in the body. Serotonin is a key neurochemical in the brain that helps modulate mood. A lack of it causes people to be depressed. So, it need not only be that a guy with some family issues and stress at work ends up "Depressed". It can also mean that a person who is working normally, with a loving family and a strong friends circle ends up depressed.

Features of this disorder include fatigue, waking up in the morning 2 hours before the normal wake up time (for eg: waking up at 3 or 4 am instead of 6 am), feelings of sadness that are continuous, persistent, and which does not abate with activities that are usually pleasurable, such as watching a good movie, or going out for a walk. Feelings of worthlessness, feeling hopeless, that one is better off dead than alive,and suicidal thoughts and plans.

The major risk of Depression is suicide, and if you see the families of people who have taken their lives, you will know how traumatic an event that is for them. Very often, they feel that it was their fault ,that they could have done something to help. The fact of it is that the depressive will be so wound up in his world that there is precious little that one can do in terms of an intervention. But it is always helpful to keep track of your loved ones for any of the symptoms listed above.

Again, this is not to sound haughty and this is not meant to be a scientific lecture. This is meant to spread the word around that mental illness is prevalent, and that it is treatable, and that it is still stigmatized to this day. It is my hope that this stigma reduces in the days to come.

The world is, officially as of now,the most dangerous place to live in.

The attack in Mumbai has shown us many things-that life tends to be a bit senseless once in a while, that good people die for no reason, that governments will NOT do what they say they would do, that our police force and security have much to work on, and that even terrorists will stoop to such depths so as to hold a hospital hostage, where people are treated and their health improved regardless of what religion they belong to.

It showed us that some families in neighbouring countries are so hard up that anyone willing to raise and take responsibility for one of their kids are welcomed with open arms, and that even though their kids are raised well and taught to speak english and dress in jeans and a t-shirt, the fact that they are in that situation is because their families do not have the money to provide for them, hence foster care is most welcome.

Whether the provider is one who plans to train the young ward to kill people and hold up guns is immaterial. I suppose that, as an afterthought, the young one might actually realize, while he is in the thick of all that gunfire, that he might not get out of this particular chore alive.

It's a vicious cycle. Poverty-Terrorism-Death/Incarceration/Escape. Only Education will help at this point. People who can think for themselves and not being scared to do so, people thinking for themselves, confident in the knowledge that the wrong answer will not see their cerebrospinal fluid bathing the walls. People who can be detached from a particular situation and see the merits and demerits as they are and not as how others say they are.

Why is it that we can’t stop living in the past? Why are we drawn to it like moths to a flame? I mean, the present moment to us, is challenging, and difficult, and for the life of us we wish we weren’t in the situation to begin with. But as we look back at those times, we feel a sense of peace, of regret, of lessons learned that we didn’t in the past, when we were cursing it and wishing to God these times would end, and soon at that.

The sense of kinsman ship, if I could call it that, might perhaps be a defense mechanism, to keep us from making any real effort towards solving the present predicament that we are in at this time. I don’t know, really. To the psychoanalyst the past is always a goldmine to dig deep in, and it does have its rewards, as long as we learn from it, and not let it control us to the extent that we cannot work efficiently in the present, and as long as it doesn’t give us our own personal balloon to float in before reality succeeds in bursting it.

Those who have done it, have succeeded in a way few others have. And it is difficult. But the point is that it can be done. At least I hope so, with all my heart. Because we all tend to have these mental cushions of the past that we turn to when we are troubled by the present. But it is only to learn from, and not live from. Because we are not our past. And we can change thinking like that but it’ll take a helluva lot of effort for us to live in the here and now. Hell, if I were living in the here and now I wouldn’t have to type this cathartic entry!! But that’s the way it is.

There may be aspects of us that we lost in the past that we need now. For example, being more patient, more giving, and more compassionate, the intensity of which tends to erode with time, leaving us self absorbed and drained. And there are definitely parts of us that we are glad that we changed. One of which I’m sure many would relate to : being a pushover. A doormat.

How may countries tend to live in the past, following the same policies that have been perpetrated for centuries, but which they continue to execute, just because it’s what has been done before?

Change is often difficult, and almost always a life long struggle. Why do it, if it takes so long? Because there is nothing else, and because there is no other way!!

Couple of other things I would like to say:

1) You know you’re a doctor when people tell you that you’re responsible for working 6.5 days a week, with almost no respite in between.

2) You know you’re a doctor when your most vivid fantasies involve a pager and a cricket bat, with violent contact between the aforementioned objects.

3) You know you’re a doctor when you have this sudden panic attack ‘cos you fear that you may have a personality disorder, a prolapsed intervertebral disc, and amoebiasis in the time frame of 4 hours, with or without chronic bronchitis.

4) You know you’re a doctor when people ask you everytime they meet you what exactly it is that you’re doing.

5) You know you’re a doctor when people ask you out of a sense of bewilderment and more commonly sadism how many more years it is that you’re going to be studying. An apt response in most of the recipient’s mind in such situations is : “Just wait till the day it burns while you pee, mutherfucker, and we’ll see if my diagnosing a Chlamydia infection then is reason enough why I trained so fucking hard!”

6) You know you’re a doctor when your old schoolmates talk about the stock market and you’re trying to recall the latest research findings of your thesis.

7) You know you’re a doctor when you can say “And I thought it was lung cancer after seeing the x ray but it turned out to be an artifact!!” and laugh till you get tears in your eyes and the non medicos are wondering how pathetic you have actually become.

8) Also, with special regard to my particular field of expertise, you know you’re a psychiatrist when people ask you, in all innocence, whether it is actually as demanding as how you make it out to be.