Why is it that we can’t stop living in the past? Why are we drawn to it like moths to a flame? I mean, the present moment to us, is challenging, and difficult, and for the life of us we wish we weren’t in the situation to begin with. But as we look back at those times, we feel a sense of peace, of regret, of lessons learned that we didn’t in the past, when we were cursing it and wishing to God these times would end, and soon at that.
The sense of kinsman ship, if I could call it that, might perhaps be a defense mechanism, to keep us from making any real effort towards solving the present predicament that we are in at this time. I don’t know, really. To the psychoanalyst the past is always a goldmine to dig deep in, and it does have its rewards, as long as we learn from it, and not let it control us to the extent that we cannot work efficiently in the present, and as long as it doesn’t give us our own personal balloon to float in before reality succeeds in bursting it.
Those who have done it, have succeeded in a way few others have. And it is difficult. But the point is that it can be done. At least I hope so, with all my heart. Because we all tend to have these mental cushions of the past that we turn to when we are troubled by the present. But it is only to learn from, and not live from. Because we are not our past. And we can change thinking like that but it’ll take a helluva lot of effort for us to live in the here and now. Hell, if I were living in the here and now I wouldn’t have to type this cathartic entry!! But that’s the way it is.
There may be aspects of us that we lost in the past that we need now. For example, being more patient, more giving, and more compassionate, the intensity of which tends to erode with time, leaving us self absorbed and drained. And there are definitely parts of us that we are glad that we changed. One of which I’m sure many would relate to : being a pushover. A doormat.
How may countries tend to live in the past, following the same policies that have been perpetrated for centuries, but which they continue to execute, just because it’s what has been done before?
Change is often difficult, and almost always a life long struggle. Why do it, if it takes so long? Because there is nothing else, and because there is no other way!!
Couple of other things I would like to say:
1) You know you’re a doctor when people tell you that you’re responsible for working 6.5 days a week, with almost no respite in between.
2) You know you’re a doctor when your most vivid fantasies involve a pager and a cricket bat, with violent contact between the aforementioned objects.
3) You know you’re a doctor when you have this sudden panic attack ‘cos you fear that you may have a personality disorder, a prolapsed intervertebral disc, and amoebiasis in the time frame of 4 hours, with or without chronic bronchitis.
4) You know you’re a doctor when people ask you everytime they meet you what exactly it is that you’re doing.
5) You know you’re a doctor when people ask you out of a sense of bewilderment and more commonly sadism how many more years it is that you’re going to be studying. An apt response in most of the recipient’s mind in such situations is : “Just wait till the day it burns while you pee, mutherfucker, and we’ll see if my diagnosing a Chlamydia infection then is reason enough why I trained so fucking hard!”
6) You know you’re a doctor when your old schoolmates talk about the stock market and you’re trying to recall the latest research findings of your thesis.
7) You know you’re a doctor when you can say “And I thought it was lung cancer after seeing the x ray but it turned out to be an artifact!!” and laugh till you get tears in your eyes and the non medicos are wondering how pathetic you have actually become.
8) Also, with special regard to my particular field of expertise, you know you’re a psychiatrist when people ask you, in all innocence, whether it is actually as demanding as how you make it out to be.
